Thursday, May 17, 2007

Not yet....

Well, we have not received word that our file ever made it's way downstairs to the pick-up window. And PGN is closed today and tomorrow. So, we are on hold until Monday.

In a way, it's almost a relief, because it's getting to become pretty clear that we won't be able to pick-up until after graduation. Living on the "hope" that it could be sooner is extremely draining. So, I'd almost rather just know that there's no chance of a sooner pick-up and just look forward to June 13th....I know, its a month away. But, what's 4 weeks when we've already spent a year waiting?

So, in my misery, I prayed to God to enlighten me and show me what I can learn from this. I want so desperately to be with my children. I have so much love to give them and they don't even know it yet. All I want is for them to reap the benefits of my hugs, my kisses, my raspberries. I have SO much to give them. I would die for them and they barely know of my existence. And just like that, it hits this how God feels? Has he shown me what it is like to feel His pain? To have children walk this Earth that don't know Him yet, children that have not come home to Him yet, to claim and rejoice in the benefits of His love?

Oh, now I ache for God. I want to find a way to bring His children home to Him. And I am grateful that He shared this with me. That He has chosen me to enlighten and to grow even more in my love for Him.


Lou said...

I am having such a rough time right now. I am praying that God continues to bring me closer to Him. I pray that we all get good news soon.

Rebecca and Shannon said...

Ohhh, I love your website!!! I hadn't seen yours, either, before now! Austin and Logan are so cute, I could look at them all day!!