Sunday, January 8, 2012

Are they alike?

Austin had a project for school, to decorate/embellish a snowman (and tell a story).  Logan wanted to do it, too.  So, both boys worked on their snowman tonight. 

I wish I could capture these two images and carry them around with me....and show it in response to the, "Are they alike?" question that I am often asked with them being identical twins.  Because I always laugh, and go, "No.  No they are not alike at all!"

Austin is God's answer to my mothers prayers.   That I would one day know what it was like for my mother to have to deal with my careless ways.  Austin's pure lackadaisical ways make my carefree spirit look like OCD!  Every marker the boys own are dried up because to put a cap back on would require way too much focus!  Austin leaves a trail behind him wherever he goes - "Mom, where's my drink?" -The one that I had just given him two minutes before.  He's been sitting watching tv and yet the drink is gone and the three of us have NO clue where it now is!  We will find next month in some total random location.  Poor Gary cannot keep his electrical/duct/packaging tape drawer stocked at all.  Austin is always in there raiding it for some great invention!  Building a motorcycle with his bike, the motor from the a lawn mower and duct tape.  Austin will constantly leave the house for school with no shoes on.  I get in the car and have to check for bare feet!  But...he does it all with a mile-wide smile on his face.  He sings.  He dances.  He giggles like none other!  It is music to my ears. 

And Logan? Logan is The Pleaser.  The Follow All the Rules guy.  He does not step out of line.  He is Mr. Cautious.  Don't get me wrong, he's still is a wild man.  He does front and back flips.  He pushes his physical limitations, or lack thereof to the limit.  He is an amazing athlete.  He has a mind for the game.  He has always reminded me of a 15 year old athlete trapped in a little kids' body.  And he is tuned in.  Every minute.  He is listening to everything.  Taking it all in.  He hears.  And he is the first... to right a wrong. To ease the suffering.  To give that someone else is happy.  He is a giver.  And I have to watch him more closely, to make sure that his needs are getting met.  He will suffer quietly rather than take away from someone else (Austin).  He is also my little non-truth teller.  ;-)  Because he always wants to be perfect and to be doing "the right thing" - because to do the wrong thing...goes against his inner being.     

So....the snowmen.   Here are their two completed projects. 

Upon closer inspection, we will observe Austin's generous glue usage.

 The ribbon and mittens even have extra glue stains from where they were placed in several locations and moved around before landing in their final residing place.
 I love his creative, free spirit. It may look a hot mess, but it's beautiful to me!  It represents everything that he is!  Colorful, going in a 1,000 different directions an once, a big red shiny smile, and layers of drawings/color underneath it all!

Logan's - couldn't be more "perfect" than it is.  
 Everything lined up, right where it should be.  Nice and neat.  And it was his idea to put a heart on the snowman.  (Then, Austin wanted a BIGGER heart on his).  He asked me to cut out the hat, and he was thrilled when I handed him exactly what he wanted!  He told me I was a very good scissor cutter (Whereas Austin yelled at me, for not giving him even MORE glue!). 
Logan has no mess.  His paper is clean.  It is simple and it is to the point.  And it is beautiful.  And just like my with Logan, this is what you see when you first see him.  A perfectly, well-behaved child.  Aiming to please others.  I know his layers though.  I know that this is just a face he gives the world.  He has trouble with his emotions.  With his sense of security.  He fears so much.  And I am so grateful that he knows he can show that side to me.  That he feels safe enough to lash out at me.  And (even though he feels SO remorseful), he knows that Mom will still be there after the rage leaves.   This is going to sound silly to those from the non-adoption world,  but the other day at ice skating/hockey, Logan was working on a new skill - skating backwards, and I was cheering him on.  He skated over to me, I leaned down and through his little mouth guard with gritted teeth, he scowled back at me, "Shut UP, MOM!  Just Shut. UP!"  I was taken aback, didn't know what was gong on.  This is the point in my life where other parents/strangers look at me like I should yank my child into the next century for speaking to me so rudely.    I attempted to calmly explain to Logan that I was just proud of him for working so hard - to which he just kept yelling at me.  A few minutes later, when we were off the ice, he said - "Mom, I know I was doing good skating backwards, but I was REALLY, really nervous about it!"  And being nervous, and having trouble dealing with his emotions - he took it out the only way he knew how, by lashing out at me. 
Yes, this sucks.  I don't always take it well.  But I do try.  And this time, for the first time - he was able to identify an emotion! This is HUGE to me.  For us.  It means, we are making progress!

I started out this post to be carefree - but I felt like Logan's struggles and monumental mile-marker needed to be acknowledged!  It's such a huge progress for us - and I don't often talk about our struggles, but I do want to document them for us. 

Now - back to our snowmen.

I love everything about their differences!
I wish it was so easy for other people to see.
Or I wish it was easy for me to try and explain their differences as clearly as these snowmen do!
For now, I guess I'll just stick with:
"Yes, they are different.  They are very, very different!"
And I wouldn't have it.  any. other way!  

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Christmas Morn'