Monday, March 31, 2008


Wow! We've been tagged and Mom's been too busy, tired, and cranky to post. So, we're taking over and responding to all our good buddies: fellow twins Brayden and Arianna, and Sophia and Mia. We're supposed to list ten random facts about ourselves. Here goes:

We are identical, so we do have a few things in common.

1) There is nothing funnier than pushing your brother and watching him fall down. Nothing.

2) We LOVE Hi-5. It was our favorite show in Guatemala and it is our favorite show at home. If you don't know about Hi-5, you should tell your Mom's to go find out about it. We've seen a lot of you dance and know you would just LOVE it!

3) Mom says we are the best eaters evah! For breakfast, we EACH eat 1 1/2 fried eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, a slice of cheese and a small orange. For lunch, we EACH eat a CAN of Lucky's Chicken and Dumplings and some more fruit. All day long, we beg Momma for apples, "noranges," Nanananananaa's, prech-els (pretzels), pock-orn (pop-corn). And for dinner, we eat whatever the family is eating like steak, salmon, lasagna, asparagus. We LOVE food!

4) We are both FEARLESS! Our brothers play with us on the trampoline, we do somersaults without using our hands (this always freaks Mom out), we jump off of ANYTHING, no matter how high it is and we always land on our feet. We also climb on anything, like the kitchen counter, the dining room table...

5) We actually never learned to walk, at 11 months we went from crawling to running. Mom knew she was in trouble when she saw a picture of our foster mother, and she looked very, very frazzled!!

Differences (as told by Logan)
6) Farts make me giggle. I repeat the fart sound "pfffttt" and point to my butt or to whoever's butt made the funny sound. My brother takes the more scientific approach to farts, his eyebrows go up and he immediately begins researching where the noise came from. He will lift me up to look at my butt - which I'm pointing to anyway cuz I made the fart!

7) I LOVE balls, especially basketball. I can shoot, dribble and catch. I can also throw a baseball in the air and hit it myself. My big brother Evan is really impressed! He and I play ball all the time! Austin LOVES cars! He's always playing with his trucks, cars and making "vroom, vroom" noises. When we go for walks, he's always slowing us down because he inspects every car along the way - the tires, the wheels, the doors....Momma says he's going to grow up and worship Mason who's studying to be a mechanic.

Differences (as told by Austin)
8) I'm a boob man. Well, actually a cleavage man. I love to shove my hand down anyone and everyone's chest. Sometimes, little girls shriek and run from me when I do it, but I think the older ladies find it charming. My brothers do not like it when I look for their boo-boos. They say it hurts when I tweak them. And although Logan is interested in boobs, he's really very strange. He's an ear man. This has the whole family baffled. Whenever anyone picks him up, he immediately grabs ahold of their ears. He will rub them. He will poke his fingers in them. He tugs at them. He pulls them. But he still does it. When Daddy and Logan take naps together, Daddy will let Logan rub his ears until he falls asleep.

9) I have a dimple on my left cheek. It's adorable. Logan has a million dollar smile. It's adorable, too.

Oops - Mom's up, we'll let her finish the last one...
10) Momma is proud to report that both boys fell asleep last night AND tonight in under ten minutes of putting them down!! Yay! However, we have had to put them in non-matching pajamas 'cuz they're doing some switcheroos through the night and we can't tell who's who in who's bed!!

Okay, our turn to tag some more friends.
1,2 and 3) Cassie, Krista and Reese at
4) Eli at
5, 6 and 7) John, Gracie and Luke at
8 and 9) Emerson and Mira at
10) Sam at

Friday, March 28, 2008

Sleep deprived!!

Tonight is Night 5 of Nighttime Separation. All in all, things are going well. Much better than either of us had anticipated. The boys go to their room each night, relatively on their own. They seem to understand that that is where night-night takes place now.

Austin goes down like a champ! Minimal fussing. And last night, he didn't wake up until 4am.

Logan. Well, Logan and I are dueling it out. I don't know who's winning. Neither of us are sleeping much, but he's not back in our bed. So, hard to tell. I am determined to "win." I can't tell you how many times I have "layed' him down. But we are making progress. The initial putting down takes about 45 minutes. Not bad. But then, he wakes up like every 30 minutes! Again, we've only had three nights. So, I'm not discouraged (yet).

Mommy just doesn't have much of a brain to blog right now. I've been tagged and I'll get to that this weekend, that will be fun. And I have more Easter pictures, a lot more actually, but I'll just post a few.

Thanks for all of the support. I'm still missing my nighttime pals, but we now have morning snuggly time and I'm finding just as much enjoyment in that. It tears my heart apart when Logan reaches for me, saying "peez, mommy, peeeeeeez!" with big ole gigantic tears rollin' down his face, but I just keep chanting, "Please, God help them go night-night. Please, God, guide me and help me use good judgement." And, not surpringsly, it works!

Last night, Gary said, "We should have done this six months ago." I said, "No. No. I wouldn't have given up one night with them. Maybe, maybe we could have done it a week earlier, but other than that, our timing was perfect."

In other news, the boys have been decked out to the MAX! in their first two spring outfits of the season and I've been too exhausted to snap any pictures! Just visualize 100% adorableness with big ole bags under their eyes and a cranky mom in tow. ;-)

Wish me luck, off to night 5. Here are a few more Easter pictures (out of order, though, blogger is not letting me move them around, ugh!) and I'll be back to commenting on other blogs soon!!

(And THANKS, Nonnie for the nap today!)

Austin eating his first Peeps! Yum!
Lovin' on Chubby!
Looking for Easter eggs at Nonnie's.

Family pic in front of our church. We started off the day at the Sunrise service. So, everyone's a wee bit tired.The youth put it on every year and Mason and Evan did a great job, as always. Logan checking out his Easter basket.
Mason with his Easter basket! He's SO excited!
And Evan eyeing his!

Monday, March 24, 2008

The End of an Era!

I didn't know it, but tonight was the end of an Era.

For the first time (EVER!), my babies are asleep in their cribs. Well, their toddler beds. We just converted them today. There was lots of excitement when we showed them to Austin and Logan. We made a big deal out going night-night in them, and Evan even showed them "how" you sleep in it. So tonight at bedtime we just decided to go ahead and try to get them to sleep in their own beds, in their own room.

You see, Austin and Logan slept in a makeshift sleep area next to their foster parents. Then, on our extended pick-up trip (and at 4 different hotels), I either had them in the bed with me or in a twin bed next to ours.

So, when we came home, we put a twin mattress next to our bed for them. It started out with them sleeping "down there" until they started getting really scared in the middle of the night. Hence, ever since about mid-summer, we've all just been co-sleeping.


Until tonight. They're in their cribs. Poor Mommy. I miss them already. After not having them with me for so long, it sure was nice going to sleep and rubbing a soft, tiny little hand or foot. Or feeling one of them throw his arm or leg around me in the middle of the night. And when they cried or called out. I was right there. Instantly. No doubt, Gary and I both enjoyed meeting their needs - being there for them. Knowing that our presence gave them comfort.


Why the change? For them, really. It's time. They need to learn to fall asleep on their own, they need their own space.

We are fast approaching two years old. And we'll need to start potty training sometime. Which means we'll need to cut out the naptime and the nighttime bottles, too.

It's time to start "change."

At this point, I know my boys feel safe and secure. I know they feel loved. Bringing them home at 14 months old did present itself some different challenges. We did and have done what we considered best for our children. And we'll continue making good decisions that benefit and promote their healthy emotional well-being.

Letting go is hard.


Special Message....

Hold up the signs, boys!
(In the plan, they were going to share the "Nonnie". What was I thinkin'!!)Grand finale.....

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

"Put your flowers on the cross, boys..."

But they smell SO good Mommy!

The Easter bunny brought lots of pop-pops!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

So little!

The mailman brought us a surprise today! Gary and I had filled out our G-884 form earlier this year. This is the form that you send to Immigration asking them to return all of the original documents that you handed over in a sealed packet upon entering the US with your child.

We were not expecting that package so soon, an amazing 4-5 week turnaround!! From what I've seen its a potluck to what you get back. I'm happy with the information we got. There are some differences between the two packages even though they were sent by the same person. I believe we can write back and again ask for all original documents and even write in what's missing.

Out of the few "new" discoveries that today's package brought, the one that has my heart in my throat is Logan's birth weight.

At the time of their referral (5 weeks old), Austin and Logan weighed 6lbs and 5lbs. In their first video and pictures, they look like very healthy, content little boys. We knew that they spent three weeks in the hospital before being placed with their first foster family.

Logan weighed 3.5 lbs at birth. That just makes me cry. So little. So tiny. Almost not even here.

And I wasn't there.

I can usually put my thoughts into words pretty well, but tonight I am stumbling. I am numb and overwhelmed at the thought that my little boy started out in this world so teeny tiny. Watching him run around the yard, jump off of any and everything, throw balls, and smile up a storm - it's heartbreaking to know he was once so tender, so fragile.

And that I wasn't there.

I have a thousand more questions swirling in my head, Did anybody hold him? Was Austin with him? Did he have tubes? Was he breathing on his own?

Austin was only a pound heavier. It's so silly, really. All along, Gary and I "guessitmated" that they were probably "4 and 5 lbs" at birth. Both "good" weights according to other twin mommies I know. It's just the number "3" that stops my heart.

My nurse friends have told me that the neonatal units smother their babies with love, affection and attention. Knowing Guatemala, I suspect that's very true there, too.

Like any mother, I just hate that my baby had to struggle. And I wasn't there to cheer him on. To tell him to fight.

Yet, all by himself, he did just that. They both did. My strong, healthy, happy full of life babies.

They both started out so small, so tiny. Without me. But we're all here, together now. And together, we'll journey on through life. Filling in the past and piecing together the missing pieces whenever we can.

A Fun Day!

Okay, it's a little long, but well worth it...there's a lot of cuteness ahead!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Easter Egg Hunt!

The boys had their first Easter Egg hunt at our church on Saturday. I honestly had no idea that they would know what to do or catch on so quickly! But once they figured out the gist of things, they were all into it!

When entereing the playground area, Logan immediately wanted to play basketball, when he looked up, he saw his first egg!
Austin wanted to take time to smell the flowers first!

Logan showing off his beautiful smile!

Logan had to pull Austin back so that they could go down the slide together! So sweet!

Friday, March 14, 2008

FFF - Spring Fever

Spring Fever? Yeah, we got it! We've had some real pretty weather, not quite short weather yet though.

But Nonnie has set up a great play area for the boys.

See the bubble?
Austin is waiting patiently for "mor bau-bles!"
We got new (to us) bikes with training wheels for the boys.

Anytime Logan can go outside he doesn't leave Evan's side. Logan LOVES basketball and has to be with Evan and his friends anytime they are playing!

Here's to more warm weather for everyone!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Doilies = Hats?

Austin and Logan never wore hats. We'd put them on (or try) and they'd fling them off. Then, once they learned the sign for hat (tapping your head...uh, like you're putting on a hat!) - they suddenly started running around looking for their hats and putting them on themselves.

One day, they found doilies under the bathroom counter and they immediately became hats.

This weekend at Nonnies, doilies became hats, too!

Don't they look precious!?! Can you imagine how thankful they'll be later in life that we were able to capture these moments on camera for them!?!
We sure had a busy weekend around here. And Nonnie had to pick up the slack (as usual). Austin and Logan spent the night over at Nonnie's on Friday. If you thought they were in love with her before, boy you should see them now. All I've heard for the rest of the weekend is "Nonnie, Nonnie, Nonnie!"

Thursday, March 6, 2008


Wow - what a time to reflect!

One year ago today, I created this blog for family and friends in an effort to answer questions and explain the adoption process. The process, that for all intentional purposes should have been over for us.

Instead, we were living a nightmare and actually had no idea what the outcome of our adoption would be. We had just returned from our 2nd visit trip (Feb 1-8th). Back then Pre-Approvals from the US Embassy were typically taking 3-5 days. Austin and Logan's DNA results were signed into the Embassy on Dec 23rd. During our visit trip in Feb, we received Logan's PA (some agonizing 40 days later) and thought Austin's would arrive within minutes. However, by the end of our trip, we still had no PA.

We arrived home and were hit with yet another bombshell, our facilitator had just been arrested! Each day, each 24 hours brought hour by hour of "refresh" in my e-mail box, the Guatadopt site and forum. We were calling and e-mailing our senators and congressman desperately trying to get Austin's pre-approval which I was convinced was stuck to Logan's file and had been completely overlooked. The other scenario in my mind was that all of our facilitator's cases were thrown in investigation and could be tied up forever.

This time last year when I started my blog, we hadn't even made it into PGN. We had crawled and clawed our way 8 months into the process and hadn't even made it to the "long part" of the journey.

Their first birthday, April 29th, loomed in front of me like a huge, annoying flashing neon sign. I hadn't been there for their birth day and I had vowed never to miss another birthday of theirs. Nyquil and Tums made up 35% of my diet. I existed in a haze. Whenever I went "out" into the world and had everyday encounters with family and friends discussing the weather, TV shows, etc...I always had visions of wanting to shake them and scream and shout "My babies aren't home! I don't know when/if I'll ever see them! I can barely breath and I'm only talking to you because I have to find a way to go on with life! But every second of the day is a second that I am not spending with my babies and it is killing me!" Thankfully, I never actually did that!

I was tired of hearing "What's taking so long?" Because every one else who knew someone who had adopted in Guatemala had their 5 month old, 6 month old, 7 month old, etc. baby tucked in at home, What was wrong with our case, people wondered? And "Gosh, you're not even going to be getting 'babies.'" Like, gee, I hadn't even thought of that, but you just made me feel so much better!

I know people don't walk around trying to be mean. In fact, I had SO many supportive, loving people surrounding me and helping me get through every day. But Gary and I were the ones "going through it." We just clung to each other and held on for dear life.

I am not the same person I was pre-adoption. God really stretched me and used the opportunity to teach me so many wonderful things - patience, compassion, to be even more non-judgemental. That we don't always know what's best for us. God's plan. Even if we don't get it. God's plan is what matters.

Last year, every waking second I visualized life with my babies. I would try and focus on one year from now, what would my life with my babies home be like. What would my refrigerator look like? What would my daily routine be? How would I manage two of everything? When I drove in the car, I would remind myself that one day, I'd hear little voices behind me. One day little feet would kick the back of my seat. One day I would hear "Momma, Momma!" One day I would feel little arms around my neck.

Why did I have to wait longer than everyone else? I don't know....why are some people still waiting? I don't know, but I cry for them, I pray for them.

All I know is that my babies are home. Even eight months later, I still can't stop touching them. Hugging them. Smelling them. There are trying times, exhausting moments. And most of the time, I don't care. I am just so thankful they are within an arm's reach.

The pain of missing their first 13+ months is gone. Well, the constant, heart piercing, stabbing "I can't breathe" pain is gone. I find that the missed time doesn't matter as much as the time and memories created here at home does matter. The fact that I missed their first birthday doesn't seem as important now. I'm more excited about planning their upcoming 2nd birthday. And what does matter about that missed time is saving and salvaging and piecing together what I can for them, for their sake, of their first year in Guatemala.

And I admit, it still hurts to see "little ones" come home. A little whine, "why couldn't that have been us?" Only because it didn't have to be us. If everybody did their job right, if everybody involved in adoptions realized how precious every second is, how remarkable these children are, how deserving they are, how amazing their mere presence is, how joyful they are and how much joy they bring us then maybe they would have been home sooner. I don't begrudge the thoroughness of the program or the process. It's the wrinkles, the bumps, ALL the unnecessary days when there was no movement on our case at all. A constant that is all too familiar in most Guatemalan adoptions.

Last year, times were tough. The dark cloud over our heads just grew and grew. Last year, we lived for one day. Our only hope was hoping in One Day.

So, Happy One Day to me! To my family! To my wonderful, I can squeeze my children any ole time I want Day ! The future I dreamed about is here!

Steph and Tina - it WILL happen! Your One Day will come too. Eli and Daniel will make it home. So, hang on and hold on, just a little bit longer. It is so worth the wait!
We're all praying for your One Day!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Wanted! My babies!!

Has anyone seen my babies? They seem to be missing and appear to have been replaced by these little guys, while adorably cute in their own right, where are my babies!?!

Like the tags? We keep trying on outfits to see what size we're gonna be come springtime! I just can't get over how much they're growing!

And all you snow bound people should feel very sad for them, they are standing in their never-ever-used snow glider! ;-( poor babies!

And wouldn't you like this greeting!! The boys love themselves some Nonnie!

My mom only lives about 5 minutes from our house. The boys ask for her everyday and as soon as we get in the car they say "Nonnie? Nonnie?" And we are so glad that name seems to be sticking. For the longest time, the boys didn't call her anything. When they did, they called her Mama - I guess it sounded like Grandma and I called her "Mama." Finally, my sister-in-law, Patsy, spent a day drilling Nonnie into all of us and it stuck! Nonnie is the affectionate term in Italian for grandma. It's what we used to call my Great-Grandma. I like it! And it seems to have solved any confusion for Austin and Logan.

And lastly, some active, hilarious little boys! They "race" in the hallway every night. They just recently started playing the "Jump Out and Scare You" game!

Notice a trend? Austin and Logan hate clothing and would rather be naked any day of the week. They run up to us all the time pulling at their shirts and their pants for us to take them off!