Thursday, May 31, 2007

Has anyone seen my Buddha?

I SOOOOOOO desperately want to return to my Pre-Adoption self. And I’ve had my moments – I’ve been sleeping without the Nyguil, but I’m beginning to re-think that decison. It may have been too hasty! LOL ;-)

I have also reintroduced some of the goofiness that usually defines my day, but I am having a very hard time holding onto the positive thinking.

I want to be a positive thinker. I reallly, really do. But here’s my thing – I can NOT stop telling people, “Oh, most folks when OUT of PGN, come home in about 3-4 weeks, but we’re not most folks. We’ve hit every snag along the way, so if most folks get home in 3-4 weeks, we should be home by October.” I say this to joke and to cope – but I realize that I may be creating/predicting my future. And I can’t stop. I don’t know how to let myself go completely. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Right now, I’m a little worried about our flight down. We have buddy passes and ALL the flights up until June 14th have TONS of seats available. June 14th (the day we want to fly out), only has about 25 seats left right now. Two days later, the flight is SOLD OUT, the following week – 6-8 seats available each day. Eeks!! Gary says, so what we’ll just buy tickets. Well, yes, that is one way to spend all the extra money we have after the adoption and as an added bonus, I’m sure the flights will only get cheaper if we wait and book them 2-days before we leave. grrr!

And there may be some new requirement at the embassy that is causing files to get kicked out, What!?! I SOOOOO thought we were done with Ko’s.

Anyway – I need to pull my resources and re-center myself.

I need to find my Zen.

I need to breathe.

I need to trust in God.

I need to let go.

Let go and let be.

And maybe I just need to rub the Buddha's belly!


Tam said...

Oh, girlfriend, I SOOOO hear you! You sound just like me....think positive and positive things will happen (or some such thing) according to "The Secret". I try. I try so hard, but I know it's difficult to change negative thinking when you're so used to getting the crappy end of the stick.

I hope your PINK come quick!

Lou said...

Think only happy PINK thoughts!! Sleep in Pink pjs, wear a pink t-shirt..... I am praying that we both get speedy pinks!