Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Getting closer!

So, last Thursday we were told in a few days we would be on Mr. Barrios desk. Friday. Monday. Tuesday: PGN closed, boo! Wednesday. That's a few days, right? Here's to Mr. Barrio's getting that big ol' bright orange file off his desk ASAP!

We are busy around here preparing for our trip next Thursday. The boys will have plenty. I'm not allowing Gary to bring anything. And I'll have at least one change of clothing. LOL Seriously, I feel like there is SO much stuff to take for the "Muy Activo" boys!

I am VERY excited about our trip and my staying, but it's hard not to ignore how scary everything will be!

Growing up, my friend belonged to a pool. This was a HUGE treat for us to get to go with her on guest passes. One of my strongest memories is of looking out at that Hive Dive each year and watching all the kids fly off of it into the water. I always wanted to do it. At the beginning of each summer, I'd sit and watch kid after kid jump off. As I grew older, sometimes I'd even work up the nerve to get in line. Sometimes I'd make it to the first wrung on the ladder before looking up at the mile high climb and then bolting out of line!

I have a distinct memory of actually climbing the ladder once or twice. Walking out the incredibly long plank and thinking, the high dive looked high from the lounge chair, but with the wind blowing up here, it feels like I'm in a flight pattern and this should not be considered a legal activity by the pool god's anymore than running within the pool's confined area is considered legal.

I always told myself, just do it, just climb the ladder, get to the edge and jump. It will be over in a minute. Once you've committed to the jump, the rest just happens! You don't have to do the next steps: Okay, now I'll fall through the air. Next, I will enter the water. Your job is over once you step off. The rest just happens to you. You're not in control anymore.

I used to think of ways to soften the blow - if I sit on the high dive (which is not allowed!), maybe if I can turn around and actually hang off the plank (which causes the lifeguard to blow the whistle FURIOUSLY!), I could cut my "fall" distance in 1/2!

From the ground I'd watch other attempters...getting cheered on by those around the pool, "Jump! jump!" And getting yelled at by those behind them on the ladder - who are growing more and more impatient waiting for their turn, "Jump Already!" And eventually, getting whistle blowed at "TOOT! TOOT! TOOT!" as the lifeguard god goes ballistic signaling time is up: Jump or Retreat!

I was excited when they jumped! Deflated when the walked back down - a long process, since everyone else had to back down the ladder as well. And for kids , who are an unorganized lot by nature, it was no easy task to back up 15 or 20 deep and allow the non-jumper retreating access. And it was painful to watch all pool activity seemingly cease as the high dive was momentarily "shut down."

I always thought if I could just get up there and get to the edge, I'd buckle under the pressure. That the pressure would make me jump.

Well, never underestimate the power of height! I remember quite a few summers, where I was the annoying non-jumper causing the traffic jam on the way back down the ladder! LOL

The morale of the story? I feel like I'm on the high dive now. Once I get on the plane – I’ve jumped! So, for the next week, I’m standing on the high dive platform….

Everyone is cheering me on. Nobody is impatient, pushing me, excpet my own inner gut that's ready to be a mommy to my boys. And there's no annoying lifeguard, just a few parents and loved ones who are cautiously "worried" about me.

When I finally jumped as a kid (hey, a teenager is STILL considered a kid!), sure the fall was scary – but you knew it would eventually end. You basically only had to keep your body vertical (belly flops would HURT! As an expert spectator, of this I was sure!). Two or three seconds after the jump – you’re in water, familiar territory. And before you know it you’re enjoying it and doing it again and again.

My stomach is not quite doing the butterflies or flipping yet. From two visit trips, I know that once I “get my feet wet," we’ll settle into a routine. It’s just that about that time on the trip, Gary will be leaving. And I will be left alone, in charge of the two little peanuts, in a foreign land, by myself….two to one, as a first time mommy. Okay, maybe a butterfly or two.

But when I break it down to basics….All I need to do is to feed them and they need to poop. Technically, we don’t need to entertain, we don’t need to leave the room (I can have everything delivered). We don’t have to wear clothes, if we’re never leaving the room. Feed and poop – the only two jobs that matter. If I can manage those two things, I’ll consider my day a success! If they cry, they cry. If they don’t sleep – well, eventually they’ll have to and I can wait that out. But not eating is dangerous, and not pooping can cause lots of problems and may lead to a visit to the doctor’s which involves getting dressed, leaving the room , finding a doctor, getting to the doctor….. feed and poop, just feed and poop!

Everything else is a bonus!

So, I can DO this! I’ll just jump – fall for a few terrifying seconds, and then land safely! And it will be fun!

Hang on boys, your crazy Momma is comin’!!


Koren said...

Don't worry -- you just have to worry about the eating, the pooping comes naturally! :-)

And remember -- be careful what you ask for, you may have more poop than you can imagine.

All kidding aside - you are in for the adventure of a lifetime, and it is worth every minute, every butterfly, and every tear (I know there will be some). It is worth it because the reward is -- more hugs than you can imagine, smiles to warm your heart, a comedy act around every corner and adventures unlimited.

Enjoy your journey into motherhood -- it's a wild and wonderful ride!!!