Tuesday, September 16, 2008

He's leaving...

Okay, I was all ready to sit down and do my "catch-up" post but all that's gone to pieces because my oldest just told me he was moving out.

I knew it was coming, I knew he was looking. I. just. wasn't. ready. He's found an apartment and filled out the application.

There's no reason to stop him. He's almost 20. He's not enrolled in college per se, he's in a 3-year automotive technical training program. He's got a great job. He's on his career path. He's dating a wonderfully sweet girl that he plans to marry. He's always been older than his years. He's got a good head on his shoulders. He's ready for his space.

But I could barely stay in the room when he told me. It was one of those "sucking-the-vortex- out-of-you" feeling. The reality of "he's gone" just smacked me in the face. This is it, I blinked and it's over. The is life-changing, a new phase. He won't be living here. He'll be visiting, coming over for dinner..... Oh. My. Lord.

I'll be happy for him. In a few days time. But right now. Right now. I'm mourning. I'm crying.

AND I just got done whining to my mom that after two days of preschool, I'm having to chase Austin down and sit on him for kisses. I used to just say, "kisses" and he'd smother me. I could tickle and wrestle with him for hours and he never tired of it. Now that's he's got his new found autonomy, he's like, "No, Momma - I want to go play. No tickles. No kisses." And he's off and running and playing. By himself. Like a big boy.

Oh - this parenting stuff sucks some time, doesn't it? We want them healthy and independent, but then when it happens, Oh - it's just hurts so much!


Tina said...

Oh that does just hit you in the gut. I remember leaving my mom's the first time...it killed both of us. Hang in there. Those little ones of yours are just so stinkin cute.

Bobbi said...

Well, there, now I am in tears too!! I can't imagine hearing the I'm moving out statement. Oh, I don't envy you-or Austin and Logan. They are going to miss him like crazy too.

And, the babies growing up too, it just isn't right!! That is it, get out the bubble and keep you all in it.

Maybe he will hate it, miss you too much and come running back home.......hey a Mama can dream too

Hang in there. Sending HUGS!!!!

Greta Jo said...

UH! Donna, what another pass me the tissue post. However, it sounds as if you raised a wonderful boy. Hats off to you!

Steph said...

Oh boy. Oh boy. What a HUGE transition for everyone. Home will not be the same. But, you must be SOOO proud of him! Even so....letting go is hard.

In the meantime, you just keep wrestling those boys to the ground for kisses!

Anonymous said...

I feel sick for you!
I am not looking forward to the day, but I know that I will be so proud of them when they finally get there.
Congratulations on raising a man!!!!!!!
Lots of hugs from me - You are doing a great job!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Just dropping in to say "hi" and I can't wait to read more of your blog and get to know your family.

Your Secret Blog Pal......

Tam said...

Oh, gosh...sending you {{{hugs}}}.

Carrie said...

Oh Donna. He looks like a nice and mature young man, but you are never ready. I cannot even send Savannah to preschool yet, so you are braver than me. Time goes so fast--we are already about boys and dating and all the other temptations.

He and his girlfriend make a cute couple. He looks really wonderful with his little brothers too. You are very lucky.

Our Family of 5 said...

OH Crap! I was all excited to sit down and read a post and see updated pictures of Austin and Logan and now I am crying with you. I honestly can't imagine, but I am sure all in due time I will. I hope your son is happy. He sounds like a pretty put together kid. Good luck to him. My mom always said, Give them roots and wings, Give them roots to keep them grounded through tough times. Give them wings to soar above everything, explore new worlds and fly farther than we ever did.
Huge hugs to you my friend!

Steph said...

OMG!! I think you are onto something...the MOON. It has to be because the whole week has been off for us, too!

* TONYA * said...

Donna, I'm so sorry. So much all at once. Why must they get older and gain independence.