Monday, April 16, 2007

The Waiting

The Adoptive Mother’s Conception, Pregnancy and Labor

No doubt, you were conceived in love.

Like a little bud, my love for you started growing so many months ago,

Research, attending “mandatory” classes, background checks, fingerprints

Your conception was not a moment of heated passion, not a weekend get-away,

Already in conception, I was labor-intensive.

Pregnancy for me:

That moment we first find out about our child, sometimes, it’s an unknown face, unknown sex, but we know you are out there and each day, we take more steps toward our children.

We don’t carry them in our bodies, many of us still gain weight or loose weight depending on how we handle the stress

Some of us may become physically sick

It takes more strength to carry our child in our hearts than it does in the womb

We’re strong,

Each day our hearts bear up under the burden of not having our child in our arms.

We have pregnancy brain, too – we walk in a cloud wandering around through the daily tasks, functions, waiting, waiting, waiting.


Another long day of labor pains! I tell my DH that I have worn out my “send/receive” button in my e-mail. Sometimes, I make up stupid rules, “I have surf 5 other websites before I check e-mail again.” I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ve assisted in the delivery of both my niece and my nephew. According to their mother, during the most uncomfortable pain, she just wanted to “push.” I think I can safely say, that I’ve just wanted to “push” now for over 8 months!

A day in the life of my “pregnancy:”

Wake up, Pray – Thank God for all that He has blessed me with. I know that even as I am not with my children, He is watching over them and He has a plan for all of to be together one day soon. I pray that this day will be the day I hear news (I am currently waiting for pre-approval).

Grab a cup of coffee and hit the internet – Rejoice over a few e-mails my other Guatemala Angel Mammas I have met along the way. They’re not bringing me news, but there’s comfort in knowing we are not walking this path alone! I then, surf all my boards, I am a “lurker” on several websites that have been listed in e-mails. I track their cases and see what those families are up to.

I hit the day, i.e enter the real world, wondering when I can get back to my computer. My day consists of responding several times “No, we don’t know anything new yet, we’re still not quite sure when they’ll be coming home.” “No, I have no idea why, foreign adoptions just take so long.” “No, it doesn’t seem right, does it?” “Yes, I know God has a Master Plan and yes, yes I know, I do try and just be patient.’” “Thank you so much for asking.”

At work, I do a task and then hit send/receive, call home check messages, surf the web again…..

At 5 o’clock, I usually give the “send/receive” a break knowing that I probably won’t hear anything after 5pm. I “lurk” again to see if any other families have any updates.

Hubby gets home and asks if we’ve heard anything yet? ;-) My mother calls, best friend calls, etc – all checking in to see if we’ve heard anything today! ;-)