Wednesday, May 12, 2010


In an effort to record a true and accurate account of Austin and Logan's childhood, it would be extremely negligent of me to leave out some of the more "taxing" moments.

I do believe I am a very patient mother.  I do believe I am a very calm mother. 

If you saw us out and about on any given day - me, with (2) wild and crazy boys, dressed in insane mis-matched clothing, running circles around me while simultaneously hurling questions at me with the speed,  accuracy and interrogation-like style of an award winning investigative reporter, I am sure you would think I was on medication in order to survive.  

I usually walk a straight path, two eyes focused on our destination, and 4 sets of newly acquired eyes seeking and scouring the area for incoming danger.  With a serene smile on my face, I deflect the constant onslaught of questions with karate like quickness and efficiency while somehow managing to get in several commands - issued with marine-like authority, "Hold hands, watch that car, NO running, stop wrestling, put that back.  NO touching!"

I have perfected my "One -eye-brow-raised yes -they-ARE-indeed-a-HAND ful- and THEN-some" look paired with my "I couldn't- be -happier with-them, you have no idea just how much I am blessed" smile to the ever present wide-eyed looks I get from fellow errand runners. 

All is well.   

Until.  Until I reach my maximum amount of testing and the not responding to Mommy's authoritative marine voice.  And then, I go from zero to 160 in a nano-second. 

I'm not talking about the knocking over a full-sized mannequin that put an abrupt halt to our shopping for a outfit for mommy trip.  I remained calm on that one.  I simply stated that we were "Done."  I left the store.  Left the mall and headed backout to our van.  Them?  They lost they freakin' marbles.  No play area time?  No food court lunch?  OH - the injustice!!!    Sorry boys, Mommy rules.  No knocking over mannequins - immediate loss of all privileges. 

No, I'm talking about moments like when I offered to go along with my mom to help her pick out a new computer.  I might have well just said, "Mom, we'll go in together and then you just go ahead and talk to the sales man all by yourself while I will begin to chase and coral my Olympic speed running, obstacle course, gymnastic performing children. ooooo-kay?"

It wasn't just that they weren't listening.  It was as if they couldn't even hear me.  My threats, my punishments, my timeouts didn't phase them in the least.  Although I did witness another woman quickly tuck her wide-eyed freckle-fresh cutie under her protective wing when I unleashed the sonic boom.

My two considered that same sonic boom.  A challenge. 

They started playing. Hide and Seek. from me.   Thus - completing my Mommy-Dearest transformation. 

The WORST moment was when I reached out to catch a blur as Logan darted out from behind a shelf of expensive cameras and then performed some NFL worthy "fake and roll" out of my reach.  And then.  LAUGHED.  loudly.  "Ha, ha you can't catch me!" 

Even in my deranged wire coat hanger state, I knew his little butt was safer away from me than within my grasp.

I would have gladly pulled the ole "I'm leaving" resolution, but one, I truly had no idea where in the store my children were.  And two, I was still hopeful that once I could laser beam the fear of Mommy into my children, I still believed, that even with no shred of respect left, I was still in control of the situation and therefore might actually be able to help my mother.  In fact, I think I did say something like "Go with the blue one."      ;-)

She eventually completed her purchase.  Someone found and brought my children to me.  And they proceeded to bounce their way back to the car chanting what a COOL store that was. 

I went home and updated my Facebook status with something about "Days like these....will be drinking wine (lots of)."

I hate, hate, hate these moments because I do loose control. I hate the mean, nasty things that come out of my mouth - the no nonsense goob-a-ly-gook words that make no sense, but may, I'm sure, hurt some feelings.   I hate that when all the weapons in my parenting arsenal fail me and that I am complete mess.  Unable to "fix" or handle the situation. 

It seems like I stay mad forever.  The whole way home - when I finally have them LOCKED down and they can't run from me - I go over and over and over again ALL the things they did wrong and ALL the privileges that I am taking away.  I hate that I can't talk myself off the edge - try as I might to want to shut up.  Knowing that they are only kids and are only capable of taking in but so much feedback? 

I wish I could just say my peace.  And let it be, John Lennon style. 

Instead of Pyscho style.  But something in me has snapped and it feels "helpful" to blah, blah, blah, blah and yak away at them. 


Thankfully, these moments don't come often.   And they don't typically last "that" long.  I eventually (drink wine and) calm down again.  Where I can look at them and look past the offending behavior.  And see their lovable little hearts again. 

BELIEVE ME, I'm not saying that I think Mommying should be Mommy-Dearest Moments free.  I think that's impossible to do (without medication).  I'm just saying, I hate it when it happens. 

And it does happen.  And it will happen again.

And I wanted to document it so that when Austin and Logan read back through this blog, they're not left wondering, "Hey, where's that crazy lady that raised us?  The one that told us we were never going to be able to have friends over, or watch another movie, or ever eat strawberries again?" 


Heidi said...

Don't be too hard on yourself! I probably would have burst into tears. I'm sure you are much more patient than me. Lucky for you they are so stinkin' cute! I think they know it too. :)

Lani said...

sorry, can't help it. That movie is ingrained in my mind, as it was my mom's way of showing me that she wasn't so bad, compared to that lady:)
Unfortunately, I already know what you mean about this though.. it's so frustrating when they all decide to misbehave at the same time. All we can do is our best, and then try to move on and learn, right?

Helene said...

OMG Donna, I love this post!! I just got done writing a brutally honest post similar to this one but have yet to post it because I was like, "Do I really WANT to put this on my blog?" but now I see I really need to. I know if I don't, my kids will read my blog when they're older and think "Geez, you made it sound like it was all sunshine and roses...we remember you yelling A LOT!"

I hate how I get when I'm out of mouth opens and garbage comes flying out, words that can never be taken back.

But you know what, reading your post makes me feel rather comforted, knowing I'm not the only one who completely loses it with her kids. For good's not like we're just beating our kids with wire hangers for no good reason. Do they honestly expect us to act calm when they're running around a store playing hide and seek, with the possibility of damaging over $10,000 worth of high-tech equipment??!!

Anyway, thanks for posting this. I love how honest you are...and I love that I can always relate to you!

Bobbi said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I love HONEST posts. I love that I am not the only Mom who loses it. Not the only mom who goes on and on and on. Taking away breathing! All while they basically hear a Charlie Brown voice. Mom's cranky again. You are a saint in my book!!! Is it bad that you had e in tears I was laughing so hard at this scene?? I think because it was like watching my life. and, I only have one!!!

Glad Nonnie found her computer---God only knows how!!:>)

Guess, "Mama said there would be days like this...." Don't beat yourself up. You are a terriffic Mama!!!

Suzanne said...

You are a GREAT MOM!!! Remember that at all times:)

When I am at the breaking point I say to them "Do you see my head SPINNING?" One day my niece told me "your head does not spin all the way around" Emily replied to her---"OH YES IT DOES"

Steph said...

OHMYGOSH. I LOVE this post. I was laughing so hard because they sound sooooo much like Eli. Though, I only have one to chase around the store. Eli also plays hide and seek from me sometimes and will laugh at me when I am trying to get him under control. That's when my head starts spinning out of control. This post definitely met the "read out loud to Jason" criteria. I hate those moments, too. For one, I also feel out of control and two, it sometimes scares me a bit thinking about what "could" happen when he runs wild in public. We lost him one time in Kohls and I almost started hyperventilating. I finally found him playing by the MAIN doors. Scared me to death. It is so fun having a wild child, but it is also definitely very challenging.

You are an amazing mom and one of these days, you and the boys will actually laugh about these moments!

Hannah said...

You and I are cut from the same cloth. I threw a temper tantrum in the car. I am 38 and I threw a temper the car...while my poor son with traumatic stress syndrome looked at me with a look on his face that said I just set him back several years.

I am calm, patient, easy-going and then I am not. No middle ground.

Sophia hid from me in a busy department store during the crazy holiday shopping season. I lost it. I totally lost it and the I cried the entire twenty minute ride home.

You are an awesome, amazing mom. :)