Got Monsters?

I am not as "straight-forward" (read: simple-minded) as the hubby is. His response to "I'm scared of the monsters..." is "There are NO monsters." Said. Done. End of discussion.

But when it's my turn to bathe and put down to bed and all I hear is "...monsters, monsters, monsters, blah, blah, blah," I take a more "solve-the-problem" style of approach. In the past, I've had "Magic Monster Be Gone Spray" = Febreeze covered in sparkly decorated paper and stickers and as I sprayed, I'ld chant "Monsters be gone, magic, magic everywhere, no more monsters" in my best authoritative commandeering magic voice (while freshing up a bit before nighty-night- how convenient!).

One night while getting the boys dressed for bed, Austin and Logan were still going on about "No monsters in the room, Mommy..." when one of them, um, rather loudly, passed a little gas. Ever -the-quick-thinking-utilizing-all-tools-available-to-me-kinda gal that I am, I proclaimed "Monsters are afraid of farts!" Ergo, with 5 males around and one aging dog, we surely, clearly have the most monster free house on the block!

After a loud fart, I'll shout - "Look - there goes that monster, out the front door and out of the house!" Always met with a round of laughter. There has been some concern that the monsters have invaded our friends and neighbors home, but I've assured Austin and Logan that they have fart-dwelling inhabitants as well. I think this may have even been investigated verbally in one or two inappropriate-outside-of-the home-conversations, but I'm not 100% sure. "Um, excuse me, Did Austin or Logan just ask if your husband farts?"

But who knew? - This afternoon, while coloring at the table. My not-so-delicate-it's-been-exposed-to-too-much-nose caught a whiff of a little something, something in the air. "Uh-oh, does somebody have to go poo-poo? Mommy smells a little something." I was met with half murmured "no's." A few moment's go by, "Okay - somebody has GOT to go poo-poo. Crayons down. Come on, lets go!"

Austin stops coloring. Looks up at me and very slowly, with straight faced seriousness states, "Mom, I. Am. Scaring. Monsters. Away. Okay?" And then returns to coloring and I can only assume his continued De-monstering of the house!"

Can it be - that at age 3 he already knows "silence is more deadly?"

Playdate anyone? We're cheaper than Ghostbusters!