11/28/06

My journal – 12 weeks in family court, no DNA. I thought for sure we’ld have the boys by Christmas. Now I’m praying with all I’ve got that we’ll get them before they’re 1. I trust in God. I know God has a plan. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I trust in Him. I have to, it’s all I’ve got. Gary is just so distraught with not hearing anything. He’s ready to storm Guatemala and demand his children. I only wish that could/would work.

We just got new medical pictures again. As soon as I saw Logan, I realized he was wearing the other outfit we sent in his care package and I burst into tears. It’s the first form of communication I’ve had from the foster mother. But this was her way of reaching out to me – in a picture, to show she knows. To give me something. So little of a gesture and yet my heart just swelled at the sight – I am so grateful for the effort, for the silent communication.

I am torn – I want to go see them in a few weeks. Yet, I don’t know where to get the strength from. If we go see them now and don’t get them for another 6 months I just can’t imagine. I want to plan the trip as a definite, but we don’t even have DNA.

I pray and I pray. I wait and I wait. Hope, wait, pray.